Dear Martianne

DEAR MARTIANNE, YOU'VE BROKEN YOUR THUMB
BUT YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE GLUM.
AFTER ALL, IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN A BROKEN BUM!
IT'S BETTER THAN LIVING IN A SLUM.
IT'S BETTER THAN CHEWING TOO MUCH GUM.
IT'S BETTER THAN EATING A ROTTEN PLUMB
BECAUSE THEN YOU WOULD HAVE TO EAT A TUM.
IT'S BETTER THAN DRINKING A BOTTLE OF RUM,
'CAUSE THEN TO YOUR BISHOP YOU'D HAVE TO COME.
IT'S BETTER THAN MEGAN BEATING A DRUM,
'CAUSE THEN, YOUR HOUSE, YOU'D RUN AWAY FROM.
IT'S BETTER THAN CRYING, THAT WOULD BE DUMB,
BECAUSE, JUST THINK, A TUNE YOU COULD HUM.
IT'S BETTER THAN JUST SITTING AND BEING MUM,
'CAUSE THEN YOUR FAMILY WOULD THINK YOU'RE A CRUMB.
IT'S BETTER THAN YELLING "FEE FIE FOE FUM"
BECAUSE YOU COULD DEVOUR CHEESECAKE AND SAY "YUM YUM"

GET WELL SOON
LOVE DAD

Ghandi

A true story about Ghandi:
Ghandi was quite a fragile person because he went on many hunger strikes.
Ghandi had very bad teeth because he never went to a dentist. Consequently, he had very, very bad breath.
Ghandi never wore shoes and he walked many miles almost every day, so he had calouses upon calouses on his feet.
Therefore, Ghandi will now and forever be known as:
Super caloused, fragilistic, extra halitosis.